Freedom is a beautiful thing

I think we can all agree that women are under a lot of scrutiny. A lot.
We are almost always too fat – unless we cross over and become “disgustingly thin” or a “skinny bitch”.
We are expected to behave, and we hear these commands all the time:
“Smile!”
“Sit up!”
  “Don’t be pushy!”
“Don’t be too loud!”
“You are too opinionated!”
“Act like a lady!”
Wait, are those last four said only to me? No, I’m pretty sure they are universal.
I think.
We are constantly under observation: 
“Sure, she lost some weight, but now her face sags.”
“I think she has had some work done.”
“She has cankles and her left eye is lazy.”

From where I sit, women can’t win for losing. This goes double for moms:
“I don’t know why she even had kids if she is never home.”
“She just lets those kids walk all over her.”
“She is a mess! If you can’t handle the stress, don’t have kids!”
Talking about not being able to win for losing, try that, women. Try not having kids. That will surely keep all that criticism off your ass.
Oh wait – no it won’t.
You want to open yourself up to a huge stinking pile of judgment? Just be a childless female over 30. Even worse, a married childless female over 30. A woman who chooses not to have a child.
I have never been a childless female over 30, so I am not speaking from experience. But, I can tell you that I have never heard anything good offered up about women who exercise their right to live their life in a way that suits them.
I can also tell you that whenever I meet a woman who has chosen not to have children, she confesses that right away. Sometimes she will share this information apologetically, sometimes with a bit of compensating bravado, and sometimes just as a warning or heads-up that I may find her pristine ovaries all too much and take leave of her company forthwith.
Women would not be so preemptively defensive if they didn’t all get a ton of shit for not having a kid.
This steaming pile of shit we dump on childless women is crazy for so many reasons, I feel compelled to enumerate them in my new blog segment, aptly titled:

WHY GIVING WOMEN SHIT FOR NOT HAVING BABIES

IS ONE OF THE MOST FUCKED-UP THINGS

YOU CAN DO

This title makes me happy.

1. It is their body, their life and their choice

That’s right people, women are actually autonomous creatures with lots to offer the world besides their uteruses. They are not extensions of a man who can breed with them; they are not cattle impregnated for the good of the farm; they are not the unpaid nannies of the world, continuing the species, alone, on their exhausted shoulders.
They are humans, living in a society and oh so very capable of personal choice.

2. Overpopulation

Seriously folks, before you start laying into people about how “they must experience children, for they are God’s gift” – try remembering that God has been a little too generous with the gifts when we consider what the planet can sustain. God is like the uncle who brings us a puppy and a drum set. They seem like a good idea, but we have no place to put the drum set and now we have to feed and care for the puppy. We need fewer gifts please, God.

3. Poverty

Also, if as a society we are so hell-bent on every womb being sacred and therefore obligated to hold human life – perhaps we should help a mother out now and again.
Players all be like:
“Have a baby! Have a baby! Have a baby!”
Then:
“Girl, why you have a baby when you can’t take care of it!??!!!”
Can’t win for losing.

4. Babies Kind of Suck

You know, I love me some babies. I am a total addict; I always need to hold them –I will even ask complete strangers if I can hold their babies. And thank God I have a fertile family that pops those little poopers out every few years because there is nothing better than baby head smell.

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