Slut Mom

I know those two words seem like they don’t go together, but why not? Rush Limbaugh recently called Sandra Fluke, one of the most articulate women I have ever seen, a slut. If that eloquent self-advocating woman is a slut, I want all my daughters to grow up to be sluts. I want to be a slut. If we are going to call responsible empowered women in charge of their own sexuality sluts, then say it loud and proud sisters: we are all sluts. Here is the thing: If you’re selective about sexual partners you are a prude bitch. If you’re playful but keep boundaries you are a cock tease. If you follow through you are a slut. You are bound to be called something no matter what your sexual choices are. I say let’s pick one. Let’s pick slut, and take it back. The gays did it with queer. I love the word queer and pairing it with pride only builds on the awesome. It compels us to really consider the meaning. Queer means different. Why wouldn’t you be proud of that? Brilliant. Thanks gays, you always know just what to do. What a bunch of clever sluts you are. Those who know the Slut Mom know that when she needs spiritual guidance, she turns to Jim Henson. The man was a prophet and managed to take back one of the scariest childhood words ever: monster. He singlehandedly turned your biggest fears into beloved cuddly cookie-eating joys. Maybe we should have a cookie slut. Taking back hate-filled words from evil people is a good thing. Why Karen, are you implying Rush Limbaugh is evil? Why, yes – yes I am. A big fat idiot for sure – but also evil. Evil derives pleasure from the misery of others. And that is Rush all over. I like to think taking back slut would be the key to destroying his evil death star empire and putting an end to his hate-spreading ignorance. Maybe we should have a Princess Leia slut. [Editor’s note: Done and done.] When Sandra Fluke suggested insurance should help cover birth control, Rush responded:

What does it say about the college co-ed Sandra Fluke, who goes before a congressional committee and essentially says that she must be paid to have sex, what does that make her? It makes her a slut, right? It makes her a prostitute. She wants to be paid to have sex. She’s having so much sex she can’t afford the contraception. She wants you and me and the taxpayers to pay her to have sex.

Because nothing makes me think “street whore” like talking health care and birth control. Of course, Rush fails to mention how health insurance customers help pay for his Viagra, which according to his own twisted logic makes Rush some kind of member-supported male prostitute, in more ways than one. It’s time to stop using human sexuality negatively against anyone. Men are players and women are sluts. Come on people, does no one see this as crazy ridiculous? Slut is like a word-burqa, seemingly designed to keep sexuality under wraps. Enough is enough. We’re here. We’re sluts. Get used to it.