Sleepover Party

I just spent the weekend at a retreat for my kid’s school at a magical little nature lodge on a volcano by a river and it was my favorite kind of time. Everyone just hanging out, cabin rotations, no privacy, shared meals, and everywhere I went there was someone I knew, and was about to get to know better. It was a casual, interactive, low-expectations weekend with the kind of non-negotiable familiarity that comes with seeing people on their third day of not showering.

It got me thinking about sleepovers.

I love sleepovers. I am always open for a sleepover; the-more-kids-the-better. Bring on the chaos please. And with over 20 years of parental sleepover experiences, I know a little something about the appeal. Having a sleepover is a bit more than the normal I-don’t-want-the-fun-to-stop kind of thing.

Sleepovers are a message of connection.

Sleepovers send a message to friends: I want you to be the first thing that happens to me in the morning and the last thing that happens at night.

I accept you at your most vulnerable, with your lack of physical pretense and your bite guard and your lovey or whatever else you need to feel secure as you drift off. You are someone I trust as I sleep. I will keep you safe and you will keep me safe. The message is beautiful and what most of us want to hear from the people we love.

But, as you get older, platonic sleepovers are not as easy as asking your parents and getting a ride. As you get older, asking for the kind of intimacy a sleepover requires becomes a very scary prospect. Maybe this is just my Boston talking, but you want to try to avoid putting yourself out there, especially in the area of emotions and such. When you meet someone, even someone who you instantly connect with, it is highly unlikely you ask them if they would like to sleepover at your house if there is no necessity to do that.

So, here is this cool ritual symbolizing the kind of acceptance we all crave – and the last thing in the world we will ever do, is ask for it.

A lack of adult sleepovers may be why so many people end up in self-destructive relationships or unfulfilling one-night stands, when all they really wanted was a pillow fort and some new besties.

What I do know is that this weekend was the kind of organic happiness that only comes from having nowhere to go and nothing to do until the sleepover is done. The kids ran with the joy of knowing the fun will go on for what feels like forever, and the adults got the smallest taste of an unrestricted exhale.

I propose more grown-up sleep overs.