(Author’s note: This is not about breast cancer, or making children’s books more palatable, it is about VAGINAS – so if that makes you cower in fear, or grosses you out, step away from this blog.)

Last night before bed I read an article that was so funny I had trouble stopping giggling and going to sleep.

It is so funny, you almost forget that it is talking about a huge group of women who are having vagishame. They are being hit over the crotch with the message that their lady-parts (which I thought we all agreed were private) are the wrong color. This is so weird to me, because whatever color your vagina is – THAT is the right color.

Because there is no female insecurity we cannot exploit, a “Fairness Cream” has been developed that apparently bleaches your tender, sensitive, landing strip so visitors aren’t repulsed. Bleaches! I don’t use bleach on my clothes because it seems too harsh – I would never entertain the idea of bleaching my happy place. Is no one concerned about upsetting what seems to be a delicate pH balance down there?

You know what I want “Fairness Cream” spread all over? A world mentality which constantly reminds women they are never good enough, that whatever women are – even the part that makes them women in the first place – is yucky and should be douched & bleached & depilated within an inch of its vagi-ness. We are going to make-over those things until we can’t even recognize them anymore and we will be going incog-vag-o under our undies.

Yeah, what happens when we break out the “Fairness Cream” and start telling men that their man stalks are too hairy, smelly, wrinkly, veiny, and simply discolored? Do we really think we are going to send them running to the bathroom to spread chemicals all over their precious junk? I don’t think so. Men tend to have a more “Take me as I am in all my dickish splendor” mentality, and in “Fairness”, women often allow themselves to be humiliated into vagishame.

Look, I am no vagexpert here, but if someone is unhappy with your vagina for exactly who she is, send them on their way so you can both find a better fit.

Clean vaginas should still smell like vaginas, millions of years of evolution have made them perfect for doing their vaginajob – let them do it in peace. “Disinfecting” your sweet spot with vinegar and spraying it with strawberry covers up pheromones and is just confusing. It is a vagina – not a salad.
Vaginas should also look like vaginas. If you have a functioning vagina, for the love of God, let it be.

Also, grown women have hair to signify that they are, in fact, grown women. Enough said.

Use your invagination and think of a time when people will completely love and accept themselves. Every part.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter if you reshape your vagina into a star and color it gold, but don’t do it out of shame.

Look, the whole world doesn’t need to love and accept your vagina – but you do.

Tell your friends...