I am a mom.

You’re probably thinking: “Yeah, we get it Karen. We’ve seen your posts. You’re a mom.”

But I am like, the mommiest mom you can think of. I know this because small children I don’t know walk up to me and hand me their gum, or their foot so I can tie their shoe. I know this because strangers in a restaurant will single me out, knowing I have a band aid or an aspirin. I know this because I have hundreds of kids I have mommed in my life and because people ask me for “mom advice” all the time.

But, parenting advice is tricky because we, thankfully, all do it differently. In fact, I invite you to be Captain Skeptical whenever anyone offers parenting advice – you don’t mom like they do.

And why would you?

You are a different woman with different strengths and different circumstances and, most importantly, a different kid. Why would your momming look like their momming?

So, un-bunch your panties, mamma. Anyone judging your momming is simply processing her own. We are all winging it here, kids. Seriously.

However, last week I officially raised my first human from embryo to legal adult and so I think I may have the smallest bit of wisdom to share.

For me, it comes down to two things:

1. Be happy
2. Love them

Stop working on your kids and start working on yourself.

They will become you, at least for a while as they figure themselves out. If you can find peace and balance, if you can be thankful for every last thing in your life, if you can live with balance and work to find purpose and do your work and make healthy connections – so will your kids. If you hang on to resentment and think life is unfair for what it has done to you and blame everyone else for your misery – so will your kids. Believe me, if you are wondering if you should spend money on parkour lessons for your kids or therapy (whatever that looks like) for you, always choose you. Choose you and find whatever you need to keep you calm and happy and the kind of person you want your kids to be when they grow up and when they need to juggle the needs of others with their own. If you want your kids to ask for what they need, start asking for what you need. This equation is pretty simple.*

There is a reason older parents and grandparents have so much patience and gentleness in their approach. They have had time to do their work, unpack their baggage, and be a little more content.**

So, remember to work on your own happiness if you want happy kids. And secondly, just love them. This is the fun part. Just enjoy them and look for their gifts and appreciate them and remember to play with them and laugh.

Just love your kids, the rest of it is just preference.

I was raised on TV and take-out. I didn’t get vacations or after school activities. I barely went to the doctor and never went to the dentist. But none of that affected the essence of who I am.

But being loved sure did.

So that is it, Mammas. Be happy. Love your babies. You are doing a great job.

Happy Mother’s Day!

*it should be noted that while I very often give myself very good advice, but I very seldom listen. Working on this.

**with apologies to my older kids who watched me unpack a lot of baggage

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