Just Stop
If there is one thing the US is more obsessed with than guns, it is telling women what to do.
Baby politics, dress codes, mothering expectations, hair policies, communication critiques, mandatory smiles, fashion dos and don’ts, and even fucking bangs.
People can not help obsessing about telling women how they are doing it all wrong.
I mean, it is so pervasive, that recently when asked why the government is not regulating viable
babies being incubated artificially, the answer was a blatant “It is not in a woman.”
There it is, kids, the truthy truth.
Regulation is not fun if it fails to burden women in some way.
Huh, that feels weird. Why is it so important that women be stripped of the power to make their own choices and move confidently through the world, free to question traditions and institutions that no longer make sense and…
Oh, I see it now. I get it. Now that I hear it put together like that.
My bad – not confusing at all. Completely fucking predictable.
Change is scary, and women are even scarier. The truth is there have been very few times in history when women have widely lived without oppression (Themyscira is fictional – believe me – I have checked). There have been very few times when women have been given the freedom to come together and stand in their full power.
But there have been times when they have taken it, and changed the world.
And change is scary, especially for incompetent, cowardly men (editor’s note: uh oh…) who have nothing to offer the world, so they enact cruel legislation to put others down because they don’t know how to lift themselves up – I am looking at you Mitch McConnell.
Sorry, that was mean.
Putting away mean Karen.
Women, especially women of color, have been at the center of every meaningful protest I have ever known of. This makes sense. These are the people on the front lines of very broken systems. As some of the most marginalized people in the world, they are the first to feel the hit when things go wrong, and the first to know what to do when the shit hits the fan.
Women can deal with a lot of oppression and bullshit, but when enough is enough, they will band together and change the system for the better.
Maybe it does make sense to keep women down, making sure they are on a path to desperation and poverty, by making them have children they are not prepared to have. Maybe it does make sense to give light rape sentences so women get the message that they are simply here for men’s pleasure and they better not get mouthy about thinking they control their own bodies. Maybe it does make sense to keep underfunding and restricting women’s health and let maternal deaths keep rising because weak and sick women in pain can not revolt.
Maybe.
Or maybe it makes sense to stop telling women what to do.
Stop saying:
- “Smile”, and
- “Don’t show your sexy shoulder because it turns male teachers on”, or
- “Don’t wear a mini skirt after 40”, or
- “Stop saying sorry”, or
- “Speak up”, or
- “Don’t cry in the workplace”.
Stop having so many magazines designed for the sole purpose of telling women how they should look.
Just stop. Just let women be. Just stop thinking that the behavior of women somehow must make you comfortable at all costs. Just stop, because we are on to you.
We know there is just no winning….
Kate Middleton was criticized for wearing heels right after giving birth, setting up unrealistic expectations for new mothers while Megan Markle was criticized for not taking the unrealistic expectations seriously. Plastic surgeons suck fat from certain parts of your body, but inject it into others.
Women are supposed to be “low maintenance” while looking incredibly well-maintained. We are supposed to be on-call available for sex all the time, while not being slutty. We are supposed to be strong while not being aggressive or bossy. We are supposed to be excellent attentive mothers while also having time for all the demands of a family. And somehow we are not doing it right if we can’t also practice “self-care” on top of all that.
It’s setup to be an unwinnable game, and yet somehow we are all convinced we need to play it.
So, when you feel the need to tell a woman that “the term feminist is too harsh, don’t use it” or that she “isn’t really a woman until she has kids” or advise her to “get a man to talk to a mechanic instead”…
Just Stop.
Stop blaming her for broken institutions and your foolish expectations on how she should live her life. She is a grown human – not an object and not a tool for your fucked-up version of what a society should look like, with docile women never insisting on being treated as worthy of respect and dignity. Docile women never saying “Fuck you!” when you tell them that bangs are ridiculous. Docile women who are too tired to question why viagra is covered by insurance, but the pill is not. Docile women who don’t question the fact that the laws they are governed by, the institutions they interact with, the corporations that influence their world – are all primarily run by men.
We are onto you, so just stop.
Stop regulating our bodies, stop judging our bodies, stop thinking it is yours to voice your opinion about our choices.
We are done.
We are at the precipice of standing in our power.
Revolution is in the air.
Together.
Just Start.
