Fitting it in

I have done the math, and when people say “There simply are not enough hours in the day!” they are not kidding; there really are not enough hours in the day. If we think of the things we want to do, the people we want to spend time with, and the things we want to prioritize – and divide them into the number of hours in a day (minus time for at least a little sleep), we woefully find the numbers just do not work. Oh sure, there are ways to cheat. The other day I set up an IRA account on the phone and removed a splinter while breastfeeding [Editor’s note: Impressive]. Pretty efficient, but at the end of the day I still fell into bed feeling as though I had been hit by a manic, car pooling, dinner making, curriculum creating, diaper changing, house cleaning, bank depositing, post office sending, nasty hair-in-the-shower pulling, bill paying, e-mail answering, “Get that out of your nose!” insisting, chaperon volunteering, closet updating, nose wiping, video game artwork curating, why “that doesn’t go in there” explaining, husband humoring, library book returning, grocery shopping, phone call answering, baby falling down the stairs catching hurricane, wondering where the day had gone.

Here is the thing: I am crazy with busy – pretty much as a lifestyle. That is who I am and I really think we all have our level of busy and we pretty much fill in our lives until we get to that point. When I think back on different times in my life I realize the math didn’t really work out then either. In college I worked a full-time job, a part-time job, carried a full course load, and performed in plays. That doesn’t really make sense, there is no way to do all of that. I look back now and wonder how I fit it all in. I am sure I will do the same at some point for this period of my life, and probably all other points in my life. The thing I like about being crazy busy is that it yields a diversity of experiences. I have packed a lot into my forty years of living and I love that. I pretty much say yes to everything, especially if I have never done it before and then I just kind of retro-fit it into my already packed schedule. It just kind of works to do that.

When I was teaching and waitressing, I had very little time for anything, so I would fit things into unexpected parts of my day. I would write thank-you notes while waiting for kids to put their pee in the potty, run into the bank on the way to the park with the kids, write the rent check while waiting for an order to come up while waitressing – I just fit it all in. When I stopped working the two jobs and I had all day to write, the days became so much lazier. I would say “Oh man, it is already 2:00 – I will never be able to make it to the bank by 5.” I would slothfully sit on my couch, watching Comedy Central all day before begrudgingly dressing myself around dinner time. Very little done got done. Luckily, this did not last long and I filled my schedule and did my writing on the train to work or on the treadmill, scribbling it on a napkin while at a bar with friends – that type of thing. For me, doing a lot of things at once inspires me to be more efficient. I know this sounds simple, but it is true: the more you do, the more you get done.

Now this seems to be in contrast with the advice a lot of people give: “Be nice to yourself,” “You can’t do everything,” “Take it easy,” or “Learn to say no.” Believe me, I understand the sentiment and I totally get it – it is just not really me. I am pretty high-energy and can handle quite a bit, and frankly – downtime is not really my thing. I am most energized and relaxed while juggling flaming knives while balancing on a ball fighting off exploding Ninjas dropping from the ceiling as crazy hits the fan all around me. You have to work to your comfort level and mine appears to approach insanity. There are trade-offs, of course. There are a lot of things I really want to do that just get swept away somewhere between needing to get the babies down for a nap and picking up the kids from school. There are people I love, really love – who I consider part of myself that I don’t get to talk to as often as I would like, and that is tough. Also, doing things that take some concentration – like writing this weekly blog post, require the movement of both Heaven and Earth to just get an hour of undistracted time (that does not actually happen – but I still attempt the weekly movement of Heaven and Earth just in case it ever does). But, in general I need to be honest with myself and know that I am comfortable going way beyond what is widely considered reasonable.

As easy as it is to fill every hour we also have to admit that there are, in fact, more hours in the day to be had if one really wants to find them. Time Suckers: you know what they are and you know you have them. I am pretty sure they are unavoidable; the trick is choosing your Time Suckers mindfully. For example, I am OK with my Facebook Time Sucker because it keeps me connected to people (see comment above about people I love) – so I am OK with that particular Time Sucker, but I recognize that Facebook and I have a co-dependent relationship, and that it enables my procrastination addiction. I am just not willing to seek treatment just yet.

However, I no longer watch TV. I don’t mean that in an “I am way too intellectual for that” kind of way – I actually watch it, just on my own time. Thank goodness technology has kicked-in and now I can see whatever I want through Netflix, Hulu, or DVR. This is huge, and it allows you to think so much more about how you are spending your time. I used to always make sure “The View” was on at 11; it seemed important. But, when I have it on DVR with a lot of other options, all of the sudden I don’t really care what Elisabeth Hasselbeck thinks about the Tea Party. Having to make a conscious choice allows you to think about what is important for you. This is a beautiful thing. You don’t waste hours flipping around for content, and eventually settling for finding out which Housewife did what to her face. Instead your hours are spent doing things more inline with the person you really want to be. It is a good way to be. So, I watch TV – but only really with my kids and only shows I think we have something to gain from – oh, and I am almost always sorting mail, folding laundry, or cleaning ears while doing it. Watching things with my family gives us common experience and opens up discussions of interesting and sometimes challenging topics.

We watch things like Celebrity Apprentice and Amazing Race because they open the door to discussions about hard work and integrity (also, we watch Amazing Race because we must do research for when we get on – see Showing Up). We watch Community because it makes us laugh really hard and because the coolest guy on the show has Aspergers like my husband and son and that is a great thing for us to see (see Kick in the Aspergers), and we watch Glee because it does original, fun things with music and my son wants to do the same. Glee also talks about high school politics, sex, and drinking, and every week we do the same after the show. To me, this is how I want TV to be – a tool that brings our family together and helps us talk about what we think is important in a sneaky “What? Us? Parenting? No – we are just chatting, but I am so glad those Glee kids had a designated driver because they should NEVER, EVER drive after drinking and I’m sure their parents would happily pick you – I mean them – up anytime, anywhere with no-questions-asked rather than have the kids drive after drinking.” way.

It is interesting how no one ever says reading is a Time Sucker, they are more likely to regret not having time to read. That is because reading is active and intentional, you can’t zone out in front of a book. Also interesting is how most of the people who say they don’t have time to read, do somehow find a way to watch TV. Sometimes we are not really honest with ourselves when we say we don’t have time for something. We usually have time, but using our time in that way is just not the easiest path. I realize cognitive dissonance is kicking in right about now, but you actually do have time to exercise – you just don’t. Because it is not the easiest path. But if you want to be the kind of person who takes care of their body, fit it in. If you want to be the kind of person who cooks amazing meals, find the time for that. If you know more about Modern family than your own family – change it.

The thing about time is, even with cheating, there is only so much of it – so how you choose to spend it determines who you are. Choose to do all of the things the person you want to be would do, and before you know it – you are the person you want to be. We are what we do, so when you find yourself with too much to do, try doing a little more. Amaze yourself by fitting it all in.

And then, let me know how you did it all in the comments section below.