Tonight is Christmas eve and I am getting ready for the most magical of days when all my little chicks climb out of bed and come downstairs to discover burlap bags with jingle bells left by Santa, open stockings and gifts, and happily play with their new toys while Dad and I make a big breakfast for all. It will be lovely, it will be magical – and yet my heart is so heavy I can barely stop crying. Ten days ago a gunman took his own life and the lives of 26 others at an elementary school in Connecticut and there are 18 beautiful children who will not be waking up tomorrow morning with their families. I have lived through other tragedies, and they have saddened me – “I can’t even imagine…” I have said. But this, this I can imagine. I can imagine being a parent, a child, or one of the teachers who may have felt powerless to protect the small children in their care. When tragedy strikes, we can always come up with reasons why it would never happen to us. “Hit by a car? That is why I always hold my son’s hand in a parking lot. I never let go.” “Drug addiction? So sad. I am sure her parents never talked to her about drugs – I have talked to my kids.” “Well, with all those children something like this was bound to happen. That is why I stuck to a sensible two kids.” I get it. The desire to rationalize and distance yourself from heartbreak. Believe me when I tell you I wish I could distance myself from this, but how can I? “I would never live in a Connecticut town.” “I would never send my children to school.” Well I do both – and there is no distance. I love my kids, I spend time with them, I talk to them, play with them, laugh with them and I appreciate the bejesus out of them every moment of every day. Just like I’m sure the parents who lost their children 10 days ago did. It is so hard to accept that some times you can do everything right and everything can still go so terribly, terribly wrong. There was a time when I thought that with enough love, patience, and understanding I could protect my children from all harm. There was a time when I thought I could keep them safe with my pure, fierce love. That time ended ten days ago when I realized there is no distance. So, through tears, I have tried to imagine how to cope. I came up with a three step plan for moving forward in strength: 1. Accept Accept without hesitation whatever may come. 2. Appreciate Live in gratitude for every moment. 3. Forgive Forgive instantly whoever or whatever has created a new reality for you and let go of anger that will damage you. That is my way to come to terms with this tragedy that has brought me to my knees, and I hope it brings you some peace as well. But, still – never let go of their hands in a parking lot. Tidings of comfort and joy on this and all days. Sending my love to all of you. Thanks for taking the time to be here.

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