Leading an unapologetic life is kinda my thing. 

It is what I strive for and encourage others to strive for as well.

I think the world is a better place without shame and guilt, and I don’t care who knows it!

But also, it comes at a price. 

Here is the thing about the Mangiacotti-Miller family: we covenant to make our own rules. Guided by compassion and benevolence, but not necessarily by tradition and social norms. 

We do different things, we speak in different ways, and my husband and I do not dress or look like most people around us most of the time. 

And not everybody takes kindly to such things.

As a loud-mouthed woman, I have known for a long time about dangerous men who think uppity women need to be taken down a notch. Now I know there are also angry people who strongly believe I “have no right” to so blatantly disregard the way things have always been done.

Some people seem to be actively upset with me because I “must think I am better than everyone else” (apparently because I do things differently from everyone else).

Some people speculate that I am “doing it for attention” (whatever that means) and some people like to speculate about how my kids must have it “so rough” to have a “wild and crazy” mom like me. 

Now, for the most part – these upset people are not my people and I actually see their aversion to me as a benefit – it’s kind of self-weeding process.

My colorful hair and clothing serve as a warning to the judgmental. If you think what is on top of my head is too “out there” for you, you are unlikely to embrace anything that comes out of my mouth.

It works for everyone involved. 

But sometimes it can have very real and damaging consequences.

At her last school, my daughter passed out on a banana plantation about an 8-hour drive from home, and the teacher involved did not call me.

This teacher was clearly and visibly uncomfortable whenever she entered my orbit. Prior to this event, when we did speak – only in pleasantries, she would avoid eye contact while the pitch and tension in her voice steadily rose.

I was informed of the incident by a friend who worked in the school office, but the teacher never contacted me directly, even when she took it upon herself to sit with my 15-year-old daughter at every meal to “make sure she ate”. 

My daughter cried through dinner.

I did not get a call.

My daughter was deeply humiliated by being singled out.

I did not get a call. 

My daughter revolted.

I still did not get a call.

What happens when  a teacher is scared or uncomfortable around the parent? Maybe the parent does not get called. 

Maybe my kid was not cared for in the best way because her teacher thinks I need to “tone it down a bit” or she “just can’t” with me. 

I don’t know why I didn’t get a call.

I just know that I did not, and I was not surprised. 

I felt like this teacher had a lot to say about me, but it would never be said to me. 

Maybe I am scary to some people. I don’t know. 

I do know that I deeply appreciate the brave people who call themselves my friend. 

I know they will often be called upon to defend me, to make the case for my way of living. 

One friend running for office had to deal with his connection to me and some outrageous thing I said about Anne Coulter – as if Anne Coulter was not the actual source of all things outrageous.

Being my friend is not for the faint of heart. Totally worth it, but not for the faint of heart. 

I will never hold anything back, including love, loyalty and the embrace of all things spontaneous and crazy. That also means I will never hold back what I am thinking and feeling. 

It is not for everyone. 

So, yes, I still believe an unapologetic life is worth striving for, but I also know the world will judge and criticize without ever knowing you. 

Most people will be super happy to believe the worst things about you.

It is the social tax we pay for not playing by the rules of the game. 

Not all parents will let their kids play at your house. 

Not all people will invite you along. 

Not every teacher will communicate with you. 

But some will. 

Some will seek you out and choose to be around you. 

Some teachers will actually want to communicate with you.

Some friends will invite you into their book club, even though they know you will bunch up panties everywhere and point out alternative and perhaps unexpected viewpoints*.

Some will even break out of their comfort zone and strive to join you in living an unapologetic life. 

There will be rewards aplenty, and at times there may be a price.

And you?

You don’t need to apologize for any of it. 

*I once stopped a book club in its tracks by saying that I actually could imagine making it to adulthood without trying a bagel. I really rocked their world that day.

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